In contemporary families, “mental load” is an essential conversation. It refers to the invisible and unmeasurable burden of managing a family life and a home. Although both parents usually share these tasks, the manner in which mental load affects mums and dads can be very different.
Therefore, understanding these differences is important for promoting equality and well-being within the family unit.
The Mental Load Concept
Mental load involves all the thinking involved in running errands, planning activities of daily living, and ensuring that everything at home goes smoothly. It includes remembering appointments, shopping for groceries, managing the children’s schedules, and coordinating social engagements among other things.
If you think about that, it sounds mundane or redundant. However, it is not that easy because keeping all those moving cogs turning can easily become stressful and lead to a mental breakdown.
How Mental Load Shows Up for Mums
For many mums, mental loads are intertwined with emotional as well as practical aspects of family existence. Often acting as primary caregivers, mums perform physical tasks but also carry out emotional labour concerning nurturing and supporting the emotional welfare of the whole family.
This is how a mum’s mental load often manifests:
- Planning & Organising: Mothers are typically the ones who plan meals, schedules, outings, etc. for their families. This requires a lot of forward-thinking coupled with multitasking. (Aghaziarati, 2024)
- Emotional Management: Women generally bear this task by comforting crying children or maintaining peace among siblings. (Aziza, 2020)
- Household Coordination: Tracking chores around, such as essential supplies and day-to-day running, becomes the mother’s duty more often than not. (Aziza, 2020)
- Educational Oversight: In most cases, women are expected to take charge of the children’s educational needs. This includes helping them with their homework, attending school meetings, and others. (Aziza, 2020)
- Health of the Family: Motherhood also means taking care of the family’s health, especially if there are children with autism or special needs. When someone is sick, this adds to the mental load for mums since they worry a lot for their kids’ or baby’s wellbeing. (Charbonnier, et. al, 2018)
What’s Part of a Dad’s Mental Load
Equally important is a dad’s mental load, even though a dad may have a dissimilar focus and range. Whereas traditional perspectives of dads as breadwinners have changed, many fathers still bear significant financial and logistical roles.
In this case, a dad’s mental load usually involves:
- Financial Responsibility: Many fathers have a huge burden tied to survival, such as handling utility bills, saving money, and long-term family financial planning. (Evans & Jakiela, 2024)
- Logistical Support: Dads are known to handle the logistics of home repairs and maintenance and vehicle upkeep. (Evans & Jakiela, 2024)
- Disciplinary Role: Some families have their fathers assume the responsibility for discipline, making rules that all children should follow. (Moboshir, et.al. 2024)
- Quality Time Management: Fathers have to work out a balance between jobs and family lives by ensuring that they spend quality time with kids such as planning activities during the weekends and holidays. (Moboshir, et.al. 2024)
Why the Mental Load of Parents Matters
Knowledge about how a mum’s mental loads differ from those of a dad is important because:
- Promoting Equality: Accepting these variations in their mental loads can result in a more equal distribution of duties, which develops a sense of partnership and shared contribution. (Pivoriene & Bardauskienė, 2016)
- Reducing Stress: Acknowledging that each parent carries different burdens can help reduce stress levels and prevent burnout. Discussing mental load openly can sometimes lead to practical solutions or even shared responsibilities. (Bond & Burns, 1998)
- Enhancing Family Dynamics: Understanding helps enhance family dynamics, thereby enhancing relationships between parents since both partners will feel supported and understood. It may also be beneficial for children to see both parents actively involved in various aspects of family life at least some point. (Bond & Burns, 1998)
- Well-Being Improvement: The balance of the mental load makes both parents’ lives better and healthier, leading to a much more joyful family environment. Sane mind and emotional well-being are key to providing the best care and support to children by their parents. (Pivoriene & Bardauskienė, 2016)
Strategies for Balancing Mental Load
- Open Communication: Discuss responsibilities regularly and how each parent feels about their mental load. This can help identify areas where support is needed and create a more balanced approach. (Cremers, et. al, 2014)
- Shared Planning: Involve both parents in planning and organising family activities, chores, and schedules. Tools like shared calendars and to-do lists can be helpful. (Cremers, et. al, 2014)
Role Flexibility: Roles should be flexible enough for either parent to assume them interchangeably with the other one when it comes to tasks that are traditionally regarded as being for “mum” or “dad.” (Pivoriene & Bardauskienė, 2016) - Seek External Support: If you need assistance, always seek outside assistance, whether hiring babysitters, outsourcing various chores, or consulting with a family psychologist. (Aghaziarati, 2024)
Although the mental load between mothers and fathers differs in many aspects, understanding these differences is necessary to have a good, balanced life in a mutually harmonious family. Parents can create supportive environments where all parties involved can thrive by promoting equality, reducing stress levels and enhancing family dynamics. It’s also not just about sharing tasks but rather understanding mental load so that you form a stronger bond within your own family.
How Inpsychful Can Help Parents
Parenting comes with its unique joys and challenges, sometimes burdened with particular pressures that may seem insurmountable, often leading to depression.
InPsychful sees parenthood as an enterprise requiring intricate navigation of emotional landscapes while juggling numerous duties. Parental struggle does not only revolve around coping with the mental loads but also has an intrinsic connection that forms more stable families
Therapy Tailored to Your Needs
At Inpsychful, our therapy programme is designed to meet your specific needs and challenges. Our methodology is based on making individualised approaches that consider your specific circumstances and experiences. Here are some ways we can help:
- Addressing Mental Load: We understand the difficulties of balancing house chores with children’s well-being that are experienced by parents. The contents of our counselling sessions allow clients to voice out their burdens while identifying their roots and coming up with methods for managing them.
- Building Resilience: Parenting may cause anxiety, especially during transition points in life. Our counsellors will teach you how to withstand pressures and stress occasioned by parenthood as they arise occasionally.
- Improve Relationships: Relations within the family circle, comprising siblings, husbands or wives, and even extended families, sometimes become a source of strain. We assist in navigating through them, enhancing communication skills, and building better relationships.
- Finding Balance: For your well-being, you need to find a balance between personal needs and parenting responsibilities. Our therapy helps you strike this balance so that taking care of yourself does not mean abandoning your family.
InPsychful supports parents through modern family complexities. Whether mental load, relationship issues, or problems about oneself, our therapies offer a comforting environment where one can live free from fear as much as possible to blossom. You don’t have to go through this alone—reach out to InPsychful and start your journey towards a clearer, stronger, and more balanced life.
Citations:
Aziza, Noer, 2020/12/29. Honing, Loving, and Nurturing: A Study of Mothers’ Role in Family. DO – 10.21274/martabat.2020.4.2.251-266, Martabat Jurnal Perempuan dan Anak
Evans, David and Jakiela, Pamela. 2024/06/10. The Role of Fathers in Promoting Early Childhood Development in Low- and Middle-Income Countries: A Review of the Evidence. DO – 10.1093/wbro/lkae009. The World Bank Research Observer
Moboshir, Dina; Patil, Priyanka; Chakraborty, Subarna; Dwardzweska, Joanna; Llewellyn, Clare; Webb-Martin, Kelley; Irish, Carol; Archibong, Mfon; Gilmour, Jenny; Kalungi, Phoebe; Batura, Neha; Lakhanpaul, Monica; Heys, Michelle; Manikam, Logan. 2024/03/20. The role of fathers in feeding, care, and dental hygiene practices of children aged. DO – 10.1101/2024.03.19.24304543
Aghaziarati, Ali. 2024/07/01. Perceptions of Childcare and Parenting Support among Working Parents. DO – 10.61838/kman.jprfc.2.3.4. Journal of Psychosociological Research in Family and Culture
Pivoriene, Jolanta & Bardauskienė, Raminta. 2016/01/01. Social work with families at social risk promoting gender equality. DO – 10.1051/shsconf/20163000024, SHS Web of Conferences
A. BOND CATHERINE E. BURNS, L. (1998). Investing in parents’ development as an investment in primary prevention. Journal of Mental Health, 7(5), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638239817879
Charbonnier, E., Caparos, S., & Trémolière, B. (2018). The role of mothers’ affiliate stigma and child’s symptoms on the distress of mothers with ADHD children. Journal of Mental Health, 28(3), 282–288. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638237.2018.1521944
Cremers, G. E., Cogan, N. A., & Twamley, I. (2014). Mental health and parenting in rural areas: an exploration of parental experiences and current needs. Journal of Mental Health, 23(2), 99–104. https://doi.org/10.3109/09638237.2014.889283